The leftward and other blatherings of Span (now with Snaps!)

Saturday, June 18, 2005

speculative fiction

Bloggers might as well be imaginary people - so I'm going to speculate about a few of those I don't know in real life:

No Right Turn's Idiot/Savant - I imagine that I/S is quite tall and thin, with dark hair and possibly glasses (or contacts). I suspect his main form of exercise is jogging, I can just see him jogging about the flatness of Palmerston North, with his hair flopping (it must be quite long, students always forget to get their hair cut regularly). I reckon he's a real t-shirt and jeans kind of guy, and I'm going to throw a bit of a risky guess out there and say he owns a swanndri, and has a bicycle rather than a car.

Make Tea Not War - Hmmmm, I believe MTNW has a low-maintenance hair cut, something that doesn't require copious blow-drying, and probably prefers to wear trousers to work, rather than skirts. But don't get me wrong, she's quite feminine. She has a tidy workspace, when she's not snowed under, and neatly aligns things on her walls. I'm undecided as to whether she's average height and hates heels or short and always wears heels.

Kiwi Pundit (Nigel Kearney) - I had a very firm picture of Nigel in my head, based on the guy I thought he was (someone I knew at Law School). I'm pretty sure he's not the person I was thinking of, but all the same I suspect he looks similar - tall, dark haired, likes to wear suits and enjoys the affectation of a suitcase or laptop satchel. The Nigel I knew had blue eyes, no glasses, but quite large hands, and a reasonably quiet manner in person, although he could be roused to write in a passionately righteous manner when baited by lefties.

Whaddya reckon - miles off the mark?

More wild speculations may join these.


Make Tea Not War said...

Goodness...actually not that far off, yes to trousers for work most of the time, and low maintenance bob, the tidiness of my workspace is frequently noted by others/or its bleakness & impersonality as others with less of a minimalist aesthetic than I have been known to characterise it. I'm slightly above average height (I think) 5 7. I have a couple of pairs of boots with heels but not that high.

I have actually had NRT pointed out to me a number of times as he is known to he who must not be blogged about and used to live quite near to us and we used to drive past him every now and again. But as I was not then to know what a celebrity he would become I didn't pay attention. I think he might have been tall.

And you, Miss Spanner, I think are ...hmmm... average hight, quite sporty but also can be girly??? Probably not blonde??

Apathy Jack said...

I'm always disappointed when I see pictures of bloggers whose work I like. I imagine that the funny clever ramblings are coming from dashing young blades who are cooler than cool and are using the wit and charm that pervades their writing to have adventures and fight off members of the desired sex at every turn.

Then I see all of these fat balding gimps going on about how blogging is the new rock & roll, and I can't help but feel disillusioned.

Nigel Kearney said...

Ok, here's how you did:

- tall: I'm 5-11 so slightly above average
- dark haired: Dark brown hair, going bald
- likes to wear suits: when meeting customers, which is quite often but not every day. I also work at home a lot (not in a suit).
- enjoys the affectation of a suitcase or laptop satchel: who carries a suitcase? I do have a laptop that I carry between home and the office most days. But since I've already said I am a self-employed software developer, the laptop is a safe prediction.
- eyes: green
- no glasses
- hands: average to small
- manner: don't get angry, prefer sarcasm
- baiting not required, most of my friends are lefties but we don't talk politics much.

span said...

MTNW - i think it was easy because we are quite similar ;-) and i'm not blonde (except for that one time at that party, but that was a very ugly wig)

Jack - has *anyone* ever scored because of their blog? blogging is so not the new rock and roll

Nigel - all round not a bad guess, given that it was based on someone who is palpably not you. thanks for confirming and denying :-)

Idiot/Savant said...

Exercise? Jogging? Swandri? You're trying to bait me, aren't you?

neilfalloon said...

Well, James Guthrie *could have* scored off his blog if I hadn't found out Bizgirl was a guy.

Here's my guess about the enigmatic public address people:

But I'll play the guessing game - judging from his writing, Russell Brown is a bright 23-year old student, with an interest in politics.

Keith Ng is a hard-bitten press gallery journalist - around 40, but looks older than his years, and sports gin blossoms from his hard drinking nights with Rod Donald.

Tze Min Mok - writing on issues of ethnicity suggests she is not European. A young Maori woman perhaps?

Mr Neil Falloon said...

That last comment was from me, by way of clarification. (Image is of a big tard who can't input usernames properly).

Johnny the Red said...

Tze Ming Mok a young maori woman? How ridiculous.

No, Tze Ming Mok is actually a pseudonym for Ben Thomas.

Greg Stephens said...

Keith Ng is a 20-something year old who has just finished uni (BA(Hon) and is the youngest member of the Press Gallery working for ASPA.
Russell Brown's photo can be found weekly in the Listener

span said...

i'm guessing Greg Stephens is a younger soul who thinks sarcasm is the lowest form of wit ;-)

Mellie said...

It'd be a whole lot more mysterious if people didn't post pictures on their blog. I got quite a shock when I realised DPF's vanity in the corner was actually a picture and not an artistic blob (no offence intended), and Aaron Bhatnagar takes the guesswork out of it - is there a blog out there with a bigger portrait on the homepage?