In the Memtime

Topsy Turvy

Things are a little off kilter at the moment, as evidenced by the lack of posting. Hopefully I'll be back regular like in a couple of weeks, or maybe even sooner. In the meantime Linky Love will probably be on hiatus, but I will do the monthly bloggage for the end of the month (post up on that soonish).

Ka kite ano, and thanks for your patience.
Span

And to be flippant for a moment...

Here's an invisible mother of my own daily acquaintance. I'm sure Mara won't mind me telling you, 'cos she's a cat and she can't read. The SPCA estimated she had at least two litters before we adopted her started living with her, but of course we've never seen them and from her kittenish nature many assume she's never bred.

She looks a bit grumpy in this shot. Two options; 1. I'm projecting; or 2. She gets fed-up with having a camera lens stuck in her face whenever she's just sitting around. Really, who can tell?

She glows

Three guesses who this is.

It's not kitty porn, it's art I tell you!

Lordy lordy, I cannot believe that with all this yapping about cat blogging I've only posted one pic of Mara this month! I must be suffering from a strange affliction, I shall take myself immediately off to bed with a lemon honey drink and a hot water bottle, I assure you all.

Resorting

This one's for Idsy who seems a little down on cat-blogging.

Methinks he is just jealous because he doesn't have a cat of Mara's extreme photogenity to share with you all. :-P

Having a sleepy day

Thanks to everyone for the comment deluge over the last day or so - I don't have time to respond to them all right now, but hope to get to many of them over the weekend.

Please do keep discussing and debating, and an extra thanks to (most of you) for respecting each other in the way that you are writing your comments.

Back again soon!

Cat on a Hot Aluminium Bonnet

In honour of jo blogging about her beautiful cat Maxine, here's another shot of the always on-form Mara.

Thank you, thank you very much.

The Great Red Ribbon Battle of 2007

This is my cat on drugs

Phew, further to this, Mara is back in the 'hood after nearly 24 hours of wondering.

Yesterday morning we broke up a fight she was embroiled in on our driveway. Mara is only a wee thing, despite being over 8 years old, but she is feisty. Not feisty enough for The Cat of Death, a massive black cat with thunder in its eyes and steel in its heart - there was white fur on the driveway and Mara was clearly hurt, but not badly. Nickname Pending took Mara inside while I chased off TCoD (which was surprisingly difficult, it was impervious to yelling, hissing and even throwing things near it). We put Mara on the bed, gave her lots of pats and attention and eventually went back to sleep.

When we woke up again about two hours later she was gone. We couldn't find our pulchritudinous puss anywhere and it seemed unlikely she had got outside again. Many hours of searching ensued. This was exacerbated by Mara's lack of collar - normally you can hear her because of the bell designed to save birds (not all the effective sadly) but TCoD had pulled it off in the fight. I pulled apart everything upstairs looking for her and we had several intensive looks through the mess that is downstairs, but no cat.

We searched outside too, with the aid of our neighbours who are somewhat besotted with Mara. No dice there either, even when we heard a cat fight about 9pm and went running. Door knocking, ringing the SPCA, and asking at the dairy were also a waste of time.

So not a very nice night in the Span household. Early to bed it was, but I had the worst night's sleep I've ever had in my own bed. I kept dreaming that we had found Mara and then I would have to wake-up and check with Nickname Pending if it was just a dream or not. Periodically one or tuther of us would get up and look out the windows to see if she had returned.

Then about 8am this morning I was lying in bed thinking she really couldn't have got outside, so I'm just going to check in the storage area downstairs. I got up and walked into the hall, and there she was. I don't think I've ever been more relieved in my life. Seriously.

We rang the after hours vet, took her in and he generally used her as a pincushion. She even got a pussy cat drip to rehydrate her. Who knew?

The Cat of Death (Who Must Die) had grabbed her around the head and done some bad muscle damage to one of her legs. Mara's not very happy about it, but now she's on painkillers, two types of antibiotics and a sedative, and back home on the mend.

Thank you for indulging my cat-blogging, normal service no doubt resumes later today or tomorrow.

Cat talisman

Mara is missing, so I'm putting this up, just as I have put up weather talisman posts in the past, in hope.

Honouring the 5%

In homage to this post and the resulting thread at Public Address, which in turn is a response to that Herald on Sunday editorial (sadly and somewhat suitably offline) about what a curse we bloggers are upon the world.

And here's more cat blogging by your gracious host Span.

Meow

Spanblather - papering the cracks with cat blogging since 2004!

You can see more in regard to the wondrous Mara in her lovely new category, which she grudgingly shares with the unresolved legal proceedings against misguided jared of Newtown Ghetto Anger fame.

Just because it's been a while.

Mara to FATW "I vant to be alone"

Dear Mr FATW ("jarrod"),

We apologise for the delay in replying to your latest letter.

However this was unavoidable due to the nature of your correspondence and the fact that it has sent out client into hiding. Your actions have directly resulted in Mara fleeing town, in fear for her precious little kitten life.

We have been instructed to withdraw our defamation suit, as it is clear that in fact you are derranged and as such your statements to date may constitute "honest opinion". Mara does not have the deep pockets of a Bhatnagar which would be necessary to sustain such a suit, and, although deeply wounded by your untrue accusations, can no longer face the long and no doubt arduous court proceedings that would indubitably ensue from pursuing this matter further.

Instead Mara has instructed us to pursue a non-molestation order against yourself.

It is clear to us that you have developed an unhealthy fixation in relation to our client, including speculations, obviously designed to scare, of the location of the habitation of our client and her age, not to mention passing frequent comment in regard to her appearance.

Comments of this nature are entirely inappropriate and have had a devastating effect on the emotional wellbeing of our client. Once Mara was a cat in possession of a lustrous coat, soft to the touch but not so gentle as to fall out everywhere in an undignified manner. But today her fur has palled and patches have in fact been quite depilated by her new nervous habit of overgrooming. span(ner in the works) and The Man In The Comfy Chair have both noticed Mara's obvious and extreme discomfit when blogs are mentioned, as they frequently are in such an on-to-it household, and while they have supported her in here temporary annexation both fervently wish that you had never entered her life.

We now call on you to undertake a voluntary non-contact period, in advance of a compulsory one that we will seek through the appropriate channels, and ask that you maintain a 100km distance from our client at all times.

We have taken advice on what constitutes 100kms on the internet, and our experts have informed us that the appropriate measure would be for you to desist mentioning our client on your blog, in any manner, and to decline to comment on posts on other websites which refer to her. Confirmation that you intend to uphold this honourable course of action would clearly be exempted from this rule, as it would serve to soothe Mara, rather than create further distress.

Yours
Ms I Robb and Mr A Cheat
Lawyers to the Famous and Innocent

PS In regard to your claim that span(ner in the works) has in some way admitted guilt vis a vis your original spurious accusation, we seriously doubt you can prove in any way shape or form the true author of that posting, and in fact if you could you would never have brought it up at all.

Mara needs a lie down

drunk again?

Mara to FATW "You couldn't be more wrong"

Dear Mr Preston,

Your argument shifts and dodges like Frank Bunce carving through a Welsh backline, back in the day. When we met your demands of explanation, in regard to the relationship of our client Mara and her legal guardian span(ner in the works) and certainty regarding the age of the cat in question, instead of immediately issuing the justifiably called for retraction, you continue your spurious claims.

It seems that you will not be happy until you have seen signed and notarised copies of consent to model forms. I would suggest that you would be better off spending your time pursuing all those parents who put pictures of their young children on the internet, as it is an analagous situation. Mara is, as a cat, unable to read or write, and due to her lack of an opposable thumb (which it is cruel of you to remind her of) would be unable to sign any consent form, even were she able to read it.

We would also remind you of that vital maxim of our legal system, which Mr Goff seems to have forgotten of late, innocent until proven guilty. You have not produced any proof that our client has in any way been coerced into posing. Not one of the pictures published of her on this website show her in any painful or unnatural positions. She is clearly well fed and she has assured me she is well cared for by span(ner in the works). You may cry "Stockholm Syndrome" all you like, but if you accuse my client of suffering from it then you must do so for every child who is happy with their primary caregiver more often than not.

We find it interesting that you have forwarded copies of our correspondence to date to PETA, an organisation which recently announced that fish are as smart as dogs (and they were not refering to dolphins). They have also been unable to control their supermodels, who flocked back to fur as soon as the fashion winds blew in the other direction.

In terms of the other organisations you have attempted to bring into the fray, we should warn you that span(ner in the works) is in fact a current member of Amnesty International, a past member of Greenpeace (until they elected a new board without polling the membership), and has given moolah to both of these causes and the SPCA. In terms of the Human Rights Commission, her tentacles of power are yet to reach quite that far but will in time. Besides we have already established that Mara is a cat, and thus not within the gamut of the HRC or AI, even were she being mistreated, which she is not.

You will no doubt find these avenues fruitless, and in fact we have not had any communique from any of these agencies, including PETA, which certainly suggests that they do not take this issue as seriously as your client, and possibly question his sanity.

We respectfully request that you and your client get back in your time-travelling phone booth and return to a time and place when your ridiculous legal suites are more appreciated. We suggest the near future in the USA or Athens in 600 BC as possible destinations.

We bid you adieu,
Ms I Robb and Mr A Cheat
Where Everyone Gets A Payout

Mara poses for her adoring fans (again)

At repose in the garden sometime yesterday arvo.

Mara to FATW "Back off, sonny Jim"

Mr Preston,

You have now publicly repeated the allegations of your client, Mr FATW, and, to add insult to injury, on the blog of her legal guardian, span(ner in the works).

Your claim that our client, Mara, is financially motivated is unfair and quite slanderous - as our client is a cat your money is of little use to her. Her legal guardian will be similarly outraged if you attempt to attach such an accusation to her person as well, and I do not have to warn you that a further suit may be forthcoming on her behalf if you seek to insinuate the same about her.

As to the ability of your client to pay - as it is not money but good reputation that is at issue whatever penalty would result in the bankruptcy and subsequent poverty of your client would be sufficient in reparations. In any matter the quantum of the damages is an issue for the Courts to decide. We are however quite confident of sizeable success in this arena.

In regard to your frankly laughable rebuttals to the points raised in our first missive to Mr FATW:

1.1 Mara is in fact a cat
Mara's catness is not at issue. Her status as a NZ citizen is however questionable. We wish this were not so and in fact have prepared submissions to the current Government around the extention of various rights to the feline population, in particular the franchise, as Mara has political ambitions that she would like to pursue via the Animals First Party.

1.2 Mara is in fact under 18 and thus unable to sign a contract of any sort
You responded: "We do not have access to your client's birth records and are thus unable to verify her exact age. However we suspect based on her appearance that she is substantially past the age of majority in cat years (note that you have already stipulated that your client is, in fact, a cat), and therefore entitled to enter into any contract she might find appropriate."

We are quite stunned by your lack of understanding of simple etiquette. It is quite ungentlemanly to enquire of a lady's age to begin with, but then to question her assertion in regard to it is totally unacceptable and were this still the age of duelling you would find yourself facing a slap in the face with an empty glove and at the next convenient dawn picking your pistol.

1.3 span(ner in the works) is in fact the legal guardian of Mara and thus able to consent on her behalf
The relationship between span(ner in the works) and our client is that of all legal guardians - span(ner in the works) stands in loco parentis. We can assure you that the appropriate papers were lodged with the SPCA at the time that this arrangement was initiated. Once Mara is of adult age the relationship will no doubt become one of close friends and possibly co-habitors (platonic), but that is far far in the future and not a relevant point at this time.

1.4 Would you, sir, deny the world the beauty that is Mara?
You claimed that you were pursuing the best interests of our client, when in fact it is we that are empowered to act on her behalf and are instructed by her, and her legal guardian, span(ner in the works), who is the legal caretaker of her best interests. To second guess us in this manner is inappropriate given that you do not act on behalf of any suitable Government or NGO agency. Some might say that you are nothing but a scurrilous troublemaker, capable of little more than throwing mud to see if some might stick, but of course we could not possibly make such an unprofessional allegation.

You also wrote:
"My client will issue a full and unreserved retraction if and when proof of the above is presented."

We assume that this will be immediately forthcoming, and would like to remind you of the principle of bane and antidote, in relation to defamation and retractions. Any retractions must have comparable coverage to the offending statements; in this case we suggest publication on your blog, in the NZ Herald, the Dominion Post, the Christchurch Press, the Times of London and broadcast during peak viewing hours at least three times on channels 1, 2, 3 and Prime.

Yours etc,
Ms I Robb and Mr A Cheat
Lawyers of Great Repute