the right hand side of the road stupid - Vietnam I

Those motorcycles will kill you dead sunshine, Ho Chi Minh City.

i didn't know i was going to Vietnam until the night before. Surprises are always nice. I was in Singapore in a comfy hotel when I found out and I must say I was quite thrilled at the prospect.

But i wasn't prepared for the huge cultural shock that is Ho Chi Minh City. We flew in, got picked off by a dodgy taxi driver who insisted on taking us to several other hotels ("very good, very nice, you stay here") before charging us what we later found out was a ridiculous amount (although v cheap by Auckland standards) for the privilege of the tiki tour.

Because I didn't know we were going to Vietnam my lack of understanding was mammoth. No language, no cultural concepts, no history beyond that there was a war at some point, no grasp of the currency or how it compared to NZ dollars, no idea what to expect. The first day and night were a blur of heat, sweat, incomprehensible chattering, motorbikes and bicycles and honking horns, and a near inescapable press of humanity.

And then I suddenly got it - this was a foreign country, miles outside any of my previous travelling experiences (limited to Westernised destinations visited with one or both parents many years ago). I treated the Lonely Planet as mybible for a little while, until I could get my head around the fact that of course everyone treated me like a foreigner - I was bloody obvious and I might as well stop trying to pretend.

We visited lots of tourist traps but also spent a lot of time just walking around, adjusting. At the War Remnants Museum I was struck by the similarities with the current war in Iraq - many of the images were just too harrowing to examine in detail, soft leftie that I am, and I wondered if the retreat from endorsement will be similar a few decades after Iraq and even Afghanistan. We had to leave the museum early as every major institution closes for at least an hour over lunch.

Lunch is a big deal. We had local food for lunch pretty much everyday - it was yummy and it was cheap and if I had to pick my favourite thing about Vietnam it would be the food, hands down. The Vietnamese food itself is great, and then there's the strong French influence especially in the North and the ice cream, oh the ice cream! The Americans introduced it during the American War (as they call it over there) and the Vietnamese went mad for it - a cafe chain unfortunately named Fanny produces the most delicious ice cream concoctions I have ever had. And I'm no slouch in the ice cream tasting department, let me tell you.

We took virtually every form of transport in Vietnam except helicopter and I felt least safest in a car. In fact I stopped looking at the traffic when in taxis and just stared at the houses beyond it all, it was far too worrying. Apparently Vietnam has one of the highest road tolls in the world, someone said something like 40,000 people a year. Bit of a far cry from the orderly driving in Singapore (where they also drive on the right, by which I mean the left, side of the road).

I can see now why Asian motorists have so many problems when they first start driving in NZ, wildly extrapolating from my experience in only one Asian country. Beeping means something completely different - it was like there was a language of honking, one way would mean, "I am behind you and want to pass, get out of the damn way". Another beep would mean "what are you doing you crazy arse, i know i'm on the wrong side of the road but you really ought to move immediately." Overtaking involved driving constantly in the lane closest to the centre-line and beeping at the person in front to move right (away from the centre) until they did, or just casually crossing the centre-line whenever the traffic on the other side seemed weak willed enough to bully aside.

Needless to say we didn't drive ourselves at any point of the journey. Cyclos were great, everyone should have one, but I tell you the strength required to push one along must be phenomenal. Didn't see any fat cyclo drivers. In fact I don't think I saw any fat Vietnamese at all. Lots of dead animals though - birds (not so much in the South - we didn't eat any the whole time and there was heat scanning at one airport to pick out people who might have Bird Flu) and pigs mostly - I don't think I'd ever seen a whole dead pig before but now it just seems so blase. Not sure I still want to eat them though.

tbc...