Mara to FATW "I vant to be alone"

Dear Mr FATW ("jarrod"),

We apologise for the delay in replying to your latest letter.

However this was unavoidable due to the nature of your correspondence and the fact that it has sent out client into hiding. Your actions have directly resulted in Mara fleeing town, in fear for her precious little kitten life.

We have been instructed to withdraw our defamation suit, as it is clear that in fact you are derranged and as such your statements to date may constitute "honest opinion". Mara does not have the deep pockets of a Bhatnagar which would be necessary to sustain such a suit, and, although deeply wounded by your untrue accusations, can no longer face the long and no doubt arduous court proceedings that would indubitably ensue from pursuing this matter further.

Instead Mara has instructed us to pursue a non-molestation order against yourself.

It is clear to us that you have developed an unhealthy fixation in relation to our client, including speculations, obviously designed to scare, of the location of the habitation of our client and her age, not to mention passing frequent comment in regard to her appearance.

Comments of this nature are entirely inappropriate and have had a devastating effect on the emotional wellbeing of our client. Once Mara was a cat in possession of a lustrous coat, soft to the touch but not so gentle as to fall out everywhere in an undignified manner. But today her fur has palled and patches have in fact been quite depilated by her new nervous habit of overgrooming. span(ner in the works) and The Man In The Comfy Chair have both noticed Mara's obvious and extreme discomfit when blogs are mentioned, as they frequently are in such an on-to-it household, and while they have supported her in here temporary annexation both fervently wish that you had never entered her life.

We now call on you to undertake a voluntary non-contact period, in advance of a compulsory one that we will seek through the appropriate channels, and ask that you maintain a 100km distance from our client at all times.

We have taken advice on what constitutes 100kms on the internet, and our experts have informed us that the appropriate measure would be for you to desist mentioning our client on your blog, in any manner, and to decline to comment on posts on other websites which refer to her. Confirmation that you intend to uphold this honourable course of action would clearly be exempted from this rule, as it would serve to soothe Mara, rather than create further distress.

Yours
Ms I Robb and Mr A Cheat
Lawyers to the Famous and Innocent

PS In regard to your claim that span(ner in the works) has in some way admitted guilt vis a vis your original spurious accusation, we seriously doubt you can prove in any way shape or form the true author of that posting, and in fact if you could you would never have brought it up at all.