Mara to FATW "You couldn't be more wrong"

Dear Mr Preston,

Your argument shifts and dodges like Frank Bunce carving through a Welsh backline, back in the day. When we met your demands of explanation, in regard to the relationship of our client Mara and her legal guardian span(ner in the works) and certainty regarding the age of the cat in question, instead of immediately issuing the justifiably called for retraction, you continue your spurious claims.

It seems that you will not be happy until you have seen signed and notarised copies of consent to model forms. I would suggest that you would be better off spending your time pursuing all those parents who put pictures of their young children on the internet, as it is an analagous situation. Mara is, as a cat, unable to read or write, and due to her lack of an opposable thumb (which it is cruel of you to remind her of) would be unable to sign any consent form, even were she able to read it.

We would also remind you of that vital maxim of our legal system, which Mr Goff seems to have forgotten of late, innocent until proven guilty. You have not produced any proof that our client has in any way been coerced into posing. Not one of the pictures published of her on this website show her in any painful or unnatural positions. She is clearly well fed and she has assured me she is well cared for by span(ner in the works). You may cry "Stockholm Syndrome" all you like, but if you accuse my client of suffering from it then you must do so for every child who is happy with their primary caregiver more often than not.

We find it interesting that you have forwarded copies of our correspondence to date to PETA, an organisation which recently announced that fish are as smart as dogs (and they were not refering to dolphins). They have also been unable to control their supermodels, who flocked back to fur as soon as the fashion winds blew in the other direction.

In terms of the other organisations you have attempted to bring into the fray, we should warn you that span(ner in the works) is in fact a current member of Amnesty International, a past member of Greenpeace (until they elected a new board without polling the membership), and has given moolah to both of these causes and the SPCA. In terms of the Human Rights Commission, her tentacles of power are yet to reach quite that far but will in time. Besides we have already established that Mara is a cat, and thus not within the gamut of the HRC or AI, even were she being mistreated, which she is not.

You will no doubt find these avenues fruitless, and in fact we have not had any communique from any of these agencies, including PETA, which certainly suggests that they do not take this issue as seriously as your client, and possibly question his sanity.

We respectfully request that you and your client get back in your time-travelling phone booth and return to a time and place when your ridiculous legal suites are more appreciated. We suggest the near future in the USA or Athens in 600 BC as possible destinations.

We bid you adieu,
Ms I Robb and Mr A Cheat
Where Everyone Gets A Payout